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Looking Back

Finding old photos of myself in boxes is always such a ride. On one hand we get a kick out of outfits and nonsense we were up to. On the other hand it’s an emotional journey seeing who we were then through the eyes of who we are now. This teenage girl in these photos was so crazy insecure. Struggling with who she was and how to feel worthy and loved. When I see her now I think “wow, she’s beautiful and good”, but I know at the time these were taken for some modeling job I was asked to do those were not thoughts I had about myself. My inner narrative was much less kind and more fraught. I was not speaking to myself, or about myself and my body in a way that I would ever speak to someone I care for. Especially a person who is already struggling, having a rough time, needing support.

Sometimes when we are having a challenging experience it’s hard to love who we are in the moment. To be with the vulnerable and painful parts in ourselves in a way that creates space to heal and love to spare. One of my clients last week was a young man who is desperate for love but struggling so deeply with fear of being vulnerable that he pushes it away at every turn. My job was to hold space for that fear and to support him to begin the gentle hard work of being for himself in loving ways that will allow him to receive and have everything he wants. I could only do that because I remember this young me… what I wanted and needed to hear… mostly from myself… which was its ok, you’re loved, it will all be good. Have you said that to yourself yet today? (PS if you haven’t there’s no time like now )


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